Confessions of a bad manager (and what I wish I had back then)

I have forced ratings to fit a curve.

I have put people in 9-box grids, arbitrarily pigeonholing their performance and potential.

I have laid off people I didn’t know, with security stationed nearby.

In short, I did what I was told a “good manager” should do. With little protest, I worked to fit into a system I knew was unfair and unthinking.

Worst of all was the theater of it, the self-delusion.

When you’re the highest-paid person in the room, you need to believe you deserve it. You pretend your opinions matter more. You pretend the slides and budgets you work on are important. Deep down you know it’s not true, but you dare not look in the mirror too long.

I wasn’t all bad. I cared for the people I worked with and tried to show it. But I didn’t have the tools or the experience to lead as I would want to lead today. Back then, I didn’t even know what a better way might look like.

It could have been different—*I* could have been different—if I had been able to talk with other managers without pretense, competition, or ego. If we had helped each other develop what we each had to offer instead of sacrificing our uniqueness to fit into a dehumanizing system.

My regrets are why I developed WOL for Leaders with Michael Trautmann, and why we’re now building WOL Strengths — enabling people to bring their strengths to life. These peer-to-peer methods allow people to be themselves and grow, to experience a kind of fellowship that’s rare in the workplace. 

If you’ve been a manager, can you relate to my "confessions"?

Did you feel forced to fit into a bad system or were you able to lead with authenticity?

Ironic that an Academy to Innovate HR promotes a practice I need to “confess” to using!